Halloween etiquette is so contradictory. You never want to guess someone's outfit wrong but you also don't want to ask for fear that the costumed friend will be offended you couldn't just tell from looking.
Tonight I made just such a major violation of Halloween etiquette. I saw a friend with a green shirt with stripes and a nearby football. Of course I opened my mouth and said, "Jess! I get it! You're a football field with the football, right?" She wasnt. The fact that she was majorly pregnant (and probably felt like a football field) didn't help my blunder. She said she was Peppermint Patty from Peanuts. I tried to make some form of "Yes! You do look just like her!" (who is Peppermint Patty?) "Not a football field at all. You look like a human. How silly of me." Smile, smile, ha ha, and walk away.
What to do when you've just called someone a football field? I still don't know.
Saturday, October 27
Friday, September 14
The Facebook Blunder
So I hardly go on Facebook anymore. I guess the only person worth stalking married me. I just stalk him in person now. I guess that's what makes this Facebook blunder so embarrassing. It's just Good Ol' Me blundering around on The Facebook that functions differently every time I log on.
This particular time it started off very normal. I looked up my friend. Dee Smith had commented on their wall. The picture of Dee Smith was a dog. Since my friend's last name is Smith I thought, "Oh my gosh! They got a dog and they didn't tell me! AND they made a Facebook account for their dog!" I sent out a friend request immediately to their dog.
. . . Then I thought, oh crap. Isn't Dee Smith their uncle-in-law?! That's just weird of me to be sending out Friend Requests to my friend's extended relatives. I must be pretty desperate for friends. Or a creepy Facebook person. So I posted the whole misunderstanding on my friend's wall do dispel any question of my sanity and apologize in advance for any weird remarks they might get at family reunions.
And then I went back to Dee's page and read over some of the comments - which were weird. Then I looked at all of the pictures of Dee . . . lots of dog pictures. And then it dawned on me. Dee IS a dog. Then I had to go back to my friend's wall to explain myself again. "Sorry for thinking your uncle was a dog and then realized he really is a dog. I mean, sorry I sent out an irretrievable friend request to this dog you know. But I don't know him, you know? Can you just tell Dee I wasn't trying to be creepy!? Thanks."
That's how I roll. When I'm on Facebook.
- Lady
This particular time it started off very normal. I looked up my friend. Dee Smith had commented on their wall. The picture of Dee Smith was a dog. Since my friend's last name is Smith I thought, "Oh my gosh! They got a dog and they didn't tell me! AND they made a Facebook account for their dog!" I sent out a friend request immediately to their dog.
. . . Then I thought, oh crap. Isn't Dee Smith their uncle-in-law?! That's just weird of me to be sending out Friend Requests to my friend's extended relatives. I must be pretty desperate for friends. Or a creepy Facebook person. So I posted the whole misunderstanding on my friend's wall do dispel any question of my sanity and apologize in advance for any weird remarks they might get at family reunions.
And then I went back to Dee's page and read over some of the comments - which were weird. Then I looked at all of the pictures of Dee . . . lots of dog pictures. And then it dawned on me. Dee IS a dog. Then I had to go back to my friend's wall to explain myself again. "Sorry for thinking your uncle was a dog and then realized he really is a dog. I mean, sorry I sent out an irretrievable friend request to this dog you know. But I don't know him, you know? Can you just tell Dee I wasn't trying to be creepy!? Thanks."
That's how I roll. When I'm on Facebook.
- Lady
Monday, September 10
Spooky Skeleton
I love the spirit of this spooky season. Yes, it's not quite October, but when Halloween hits the grocery stores you can't help but feel like it's here already.
Though there will be more to come, I'm sure, I will recount the first spooky oddity I encountered this season.
While parked outside my work eating a quick lunch before I had to go clock-in, I noticed something that at first warmed my Halloween-loving heart. One of the neighboring houses had already caught the Halloween bug. However, instead of a nice festive wreath hanging on their front door they had a lovely skeleton.
At first I thought it was a quaint holiday decoration, but then thought twice. When you hang a skeleton on your front door in early September, still two months away from Halloween, you accomplish sending the creepy message in an unintended way.
Like most people would, I concluded that these people must not be celebrating Halloween at all. They were simply enthusiasts surrounding themselves with things they love. Skeletons, bones, dead grass, dead people. Just showcasing their hobbies. These people just didn't believe in burrying their . . . talents. The right thing to do is nail them to the door.
-Lady
Though there will be more to come, I'm sure, I will recount the first spooky oddity I encountered this season.
While parked outside my work eating a quick lunch before I had to go clock-in, I noticed something that at first warmed my Halloween-loving heart. One of the neighboring houses had already caught the Halloween bug. However, instead of a nice festive wreath hanging on their front door they had a lovely skeleton.
At first I thought it was a quaint holiday decoration, but then thought twice. When you hang a skeleton on your front door in early September, still two months away from Halloween, you accomplish sending the creepy message in an unintended way.
Like most people would, I concluded that these people must not be celebrating Halloween at all. They were simply enthusiasts surrounding themselves with things they love. Skeletons, bones, dead grass, dead people. Just showcasing their hobbies. These people just didn't believe in burrying their . . . talents. The right thing to do is nail them to the door.
-Lady
Thursday, August 30
The Breakup
After probably $3.00 in accumulated late fees, I have finally finished this amazingly mediocre book. I couldn't decide if I really cared enough about it to know how it ended, so I erred on the safe side and read the rest. But I should have seen the obvious signs that it was over. You were already two weeks past due to the library.
It was a long struggle between myself and that book. It wanted me to read it, but I just looked at it instead fearing that it might suck away my life again for another week. So I was patient. I let the book wait until I was ready for that kind of commitment. In the end I just read a little bit here and there, careful not to give my whole self to it again. Wretched book. I stuck with it to the end. Unluckily for me I didn't realize earlier that a mediocre book is simply that: mediocre. Not bad, and not great either.
But now that I know the ending I won't ever have to wonder. And now I will gladly drop it in the chute at the library for someone else to read--someone who might enjoy it more than I did. Au revoir, book. I won't ever forget the good times, or my enormous late fee.
-Lady
It was a long struggle between myself and that book. It wanted me to read it, but I just looked at it instead fearing that it might suck away my life again for another week. So I was patient. I let the book wait until I was ready for that kind of commitment. In the end I just read a little bit here and there, careful not to give my whole self to it again. Wretched book. I stuck with it to the end. Unluckily for me I didn't realize earlier that a mediocre book is simply that: mediocre. Not bad, and not great either.
But now that I know the ending I won't ever have to wonder. And now I will gladly drop it in the chute at the library for someone else to read--someone who might enjoy it more than I did. Au revoir, book. I won't ever forget the good times, or my enormous late fee.
-Lady
This Feeeling
It happened a few weeks ago that I got this feeling. It was like magic in my soul and even though the sun was still beating down, I knew that change was coming. I had to check the highest tip of my parents' backyard tree to know I wasn't just kidding myself. But the tell tale tree confirmed my suspicions-- autumn is on its way. Like a shy schoolgirl, that tree blushes the easiest among her classmates.
-Lady
-Lady
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